ive been this way since...wow ever. recently it got worse. for the last 2 yrs its been a constant battle. self esteem, confidence, weight gain. idk what to do. i did start therapy. when im with my therapist, i feel at peace. like im unstopabble and i found the answer to all my problems.
the point of therapy is to learn how to deal with the issue ur having. whether its drugs, alcohol, eating, etc. your supposed to apply what you've learned in the real world when the session is over. im having trouble doing that.
food is like my safety.
i turn to it when things r going wrong. i dont know what else to do. its hard to face things head on. i use it as a crutch basically. the hard part about being a compulsive eater is : you need food. you need it to survive. you cant just do away with it like a drug, or a bottle of alcohol.
its hard. i cry. A LOT. it isnt easy. ive been through so much and it doesnt look like its going to end. sometimes i stop and wonder. what happened to me? where was this wrong turn i took? i dont how things got so bad.
im scared it'll never stop. my family notices the weight gain. my clothes are tighter, and i feel like everytime i go shopping, i have to pick the next size up. im tired. im drained. i have no energy left. i feel like im losing to food. it sound so pathetic. if only you knew how i really felt. no one really gets it. i dont know anyone else with this problem. i feel like the fat one out of all my friends.
will this ever stop? will i somehow find my way out of this?
i just wanna be happy again. :'(
sog of my night:
happy by leona lewis
these thoughts will linger **
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