THIS IS IT, wonderful movie! Michael Jackson is truley a great performer, may he rest in peace. During the movie, i thought of "him". its been almost a 2 months. and he still somehow finds his way back into my thoughts. I cant just forget about him, its not that simple. 6months is a long time to be with someone, and he was my 1st love. even though his love faded away, mine will always be. i prefer to love him from afar tho. i kept fighting for us, knowing deep down it shouldve ended a while ago. thats what love is, fighting for him/her even when you know their wrong. im better off without him, and he put me through enough. I dont need anyone right now. schoolwork, friends, and my music. thats what makes me happy.

Maybe if i stop searching for the answers to all my unanswered questions, they'll just come to me. Thats it! I try too hard looking for things. I spend too much time and energy searching. Lifes most precious moments are those unexpected. So i guess thats todays lesson.

Quit searching ; let it come find you.

whatever that "it" may be.

Isnt that what makes life worth living? Those spontaneous moments? Those moments that keep you on your toes? To me, thats living. Waiting and not searching for the unexpected.

Just wait. Its coming...

Song of my night:

~~Donnell Jones : where i wanna be ~~

Love Lives Forever**

Today was a great day. i dont know why, but i feel really happy and energized. I'm realizing that i dont just need to settle for whats their, because better is yet to come. indoor track is going well. im still learning the throwers spin, but ill get better. i had a great therapy session today as well. everything feels like its slightly changing. i havent binged, and my eatings getting to a maintaining level. Now if only my grades could get together. Im pretty sure im failing geometry, and i have either a C or a D in italian. but im not too worried, ill find a way to pull everything back together. my life is one big puzzle. im slowly starting to put the pieces together.

song of my night:

looking for paradise

alicia keys ft alejandro sans

im on the pursuit of happiness **

My view on this word that is often used, but the meaning is never fulfilled.

Love...what does it mean? To me, its an unexplainable emotion. It cant necessarily be defined, because their isnt only one definition. I guess, we each have our own take on it. My love, can be different from yours. When you get to a point, you cant go an hour without that special person. When your thoughts are constantly filled with their name, face. You cant go a day without hearing their voice. Being near them makes you feel like all is right with the world, and no harm could come to you.

To me

thats love.

Nowadays the word is overused; half the time we dont mean it.

When will you find your

LOVE

?

Today started off great, dont they always? i went to arianas house, hung out with her, abby, and michelle. "the boys" came a lot later. her mom was supposed to drop me off later, but for some reason my mom has a problem with me being out past 6. Its a long story, but basically i lied about what time her mom would bring me home, and now i can never go to arianas house again. i did get to see "him" today. It wasnt what i expected, he doesnt really notice me.

Idk what im looking for. I want someone to be their. Hold me. Tell me its okay. Maybe even love me.

I dont necessarily want a boyfriend. Relationsips=marriage. I'm too young for that. Maybe im too young for love. But is it too much to ask to be wanted? Noticed? Appreciated? Liked, in the same way you like them?

My head is so cluttered.

Heres a cute quote i found:

Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile, And finds in your presence that life is worth while, So when you are lonely, remember it's true: Somebody, somewhere is thinking of you.
~Unknown

its saturday. ugh its raining, im bored, and alone. im listening to music while i contemplate what it is im gonna do today. hmmm......

song of the night : wonderwall by oasis

I honestly dont know why i made a blog. I was looking at some of my friends blogs and then i realized maybe this could be good for me. i need some sort of outlet. my feelings are normally all bottled up and one day i feel like im gonna burst. im a sophmore, im 15, and right now, im feeling a little lost. i dont know what i want,and even if i did idk how id get it. my grades are ok i guess, and i started training for indoor track. my love life is currently non existent. hopefully through this blogging experience ill figure out exactly what im looking for... but for now im just gonna keep pouring my heart out onto this blog in hopes of clearing my mind, and who knows maybe someone will read this and be like, "thats it! she gets me!". if i can help at least one person, then im complete. laterr ppl :)